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| The Custos of Trelawny, the Hon. Hugh Gentles, with two of his schoolmates. |
It was Sunday, August 30, the day of my mother's funeral, and we left home at 8:00 am. Getting on the highway was like stepping onto an airplane. The smooth ride, minus potholes, was an unbelievable experience. It was already hot in Kington when we started to climb the hills heading up to Williamsfield, then onto Christiana; the cool breeze in this part of the journey was invigorating.
Leaving from Coleyville to Lorrimers and then on to Litchfield, there are signs of Melissa with the various breakaways and missing roofs. One error of judgment and you could end up off the road. At night, you cannot see those breakaways. We should get some red blinking solar lights to highlight those areas. We could also have signs that say, "Road Breakaway 50 Yards Ahead." Who cares?
I arrived a few minutes before the scheduled start of the service, which did not start on time because the pastor had not arrived. Unbelievable! I made sure to tell one of the pastors that arriving at the service late reflects poorly on the church. Some were shocked at my action.
The real challenge is that we had to sit and take the rough ride of a funeral service, which lasted approximately five hours. My brother was losing patience—the rain was looking as if it would cancel the burial. My brother declared that he would take action to stop the funeral if it continued forever. I spoke to the elder who was chairing the programme, and she indicated to the participants that some items had to be cut short. By this time, a packed church with all seats taken on the side of the church and all seats taken under the tent was now half empty.
We have developed some practices in recent times for putting our loved ones to rest, which I believe is a waste of time, effort, and money. Let me list them:
- Having long funeral services. A funeral service should not go over one and a half hours.
- We purchase expensive coffins only to throw them in the ground.
- Our loved ones cannot appreciate the flowers that we give them when they are underground.
- The funeral procession now becomes a film set with cameras capturing various angles of the procession.
- Disposable memorabilia is disposable, and therefore giving it to guests is wasting money.
- At some funerals, you hear people performing popular songs starting in the key of A and ending up in the key of Z. If you cannot sing, don't attempt to kill the already dead person in the coffin.
- If you know you cannot handle the situation, why go up on the pulpit to read the eulogy or give a tribute when you know you will bawl? People have to be on your left and right trying to hold you up. Have someone who is not emotionally charged do it for you.
- There is the repast. I understand that in some communities, even people who do not intend to attend a funeral wash then hang up their pots to collect free food. One gentleman gave meal tickets to those who attended the church service. Those who came for free food ended up going down the hill singing some colourful Jamaican words on empty stomachs.
- In the past, the nine-night was where you went to sing Sankey hymns, read the Bible, and sip some coffee and white rum. Now the nine-night is a big dance with a band, where people enjoy themselves without even remembering who has died or who the relatives are.
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| Dust to dust, ashes to ashes. |
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Don’t be too hard on them. These are deep rural people, steeped in a funeral culture of long, winding performances — sometimes tiresome, sometimes off-key — but ones that their God appreciates.
ReplyDeleteThere must be plenty of food and drink. If you don’t meet those expectations as a family, to the wider family and well-wishers, you’ve failed.
A rural funeral serves several purposes. It’s also a kind of rural tourism. Family members you haven’t seen since “Wappy Kill Fillup” finally have time and space to meet, greet, know, and reconnect.
A rural funeral is more than just laying a loved one to rest.
It’s a full psychosocial and cultural experience.
Reading this post made me feel like I was right there participating, even when the rain started to set up threateningly.
A rushed funeral can be seen as disrespectful — a sign of little love, like you’re just trying to get rid of that one.
Excellent narrative.
RIP Mama. Walk good.
Mics 🖊️ pen
Uncle Vernon, I understand and sympathize with you in this time of grief and great loss. I’m hoping and praying you find peace and comfort to sustain you. Notwithstanding, if all you can offer at a time of loss is your criticism and caustic words under the guise of an expert opinion perched on a soapbox; you may have just missed the whole point of the life your own mother lived. I grieve with you, your siblings grieve with you, your other nieces and nephews grieve with you. Do not waste any more time in this life hiding behind who you think you are and neglecting who you really are. Life is short, and we will not all have the privilege of a very long, well-attended and expensive funeral that our children can argue, criticize and stress over. That’s life. And that’s also death. Funerals remind us of our own fragility and give us an opportunity to consider our own mortality, aside from all the other things that are really for the living. Make use of that and think on those things. I respect you and love you as my uncle and my blood. Take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself.
ReplyDeleteYou have missed the point and you will learn. As someone who writes a blog and I am into broadcasting., I write articles based on my experience. You need to do something on your own and allow freedom of expression to reign. You could not be my relative and you do not know me well enough. Is this the first article I have written that you have seen?
DeleteI need no sympathies. My griefing has ended. I am at peace when I speak the truth. I am just like my mother. Read the blog again and learn from it. The article was not written because I am grieving. It was written because the material was there for me to use. I might write a blog about you next time. Relax yourself and have a good day. By the way, in this business relatives and friends are neither here not there.
DeleteSir Vernon, I concur with you 100%+.
ReplyDeleteI was just wondering who planned the funeral. The Community or the family? If family, did they agree on the items and flow? Or was it based on her wishes? That's what's important to me. Coulda country, coulda town, time to be realistic and reasonable when it comes to funerals. We need to stop pandering to some of the so-called traditions. This is the communication age. Don't need to wait until a funeral to give anyone your respects or say Hi. I'm glad my mom's expectations or demands are "low". If community want more, they can pay for it. Or execute after or before the formal programme. I'll probably be at home. But thanks.
This is deep after reading the second comment.
ReplyDeleteI pray to Almighty God that everyone involved find peace and healing in Jesus name🙏🏿